abnormalizes | Seasons: IC Contact/Continuations

[She gets that not everyone can talk about these things as easily as she can, she's used to being patient.]

I remember that conversation.

Great, I'm sure handling like an absolute champ like I did made it stand out in your memory.

So, you know the fitting a square peg in a round hole problem? It's like that, only the square peg in this case is Shadow's eight foot alien dick and the round hole is my very normal and average sized hedgehog body.

It's not eight feet, I've seen eight feet.

[Anyway-]

Well, the simplest way to deal with that is for you to top him. If you're aspirational about taking his dick, I would suggest practicing with gradually larger toys to work on being able to stretch.

I was exaggerating!

[He's just gonna NOT ASK HER TO ELABORATE, THAT'S TERRIFYING???

Anyway, back to business. Dick business. Dickbiz.]

I just figure that if he wants to do something like that, I'll wanna be able to accommodate? Practice though, that makes sense. Is there any more to it than just jammin' stuff in there?

Lube. So much lube. However much lube you think you need for any given toy, use more than that. Insertion shouldn't hurt. And go slowly.

Uh huh... Well, as I have never actually used one before, I have absolutely no frame of reference.

Slow is... gonna be a struggle. Actually, that's gonna be a good segue into my next question! Um... I guess my speed's kind of inconvenient if I wanna maybe last longer than thirty seconds? Is there a thing I can do about that, ooooor...?

The boring answer is practice building up stamina while masturbating. This will take a lot of time and probably be pretty frustrating for you.

The easy but weird answer is to get a cock ring.

Psh, yeah, I don't have time to sit around and do that all day.

A cock ring? I mean, it sounds self explanatory...

It's a ring that you can put around the base of your cock that will keep you from coming until you take it off. Pretty easy!

That's... not a bad idea, actually. Can they get stuck, though? I don't want it to like, cut off circulation and then I lose the whole thing... Or is it like when your leg falls asleep and then it hurts like hell when you get circulation back in it? Not that you'd have firsthand experience or anything but-- I dunno, maybe my brain goes to weird places.

If you're using the proper size, it shouldn't cause any discomfort at all, let alone get stuck. You'll want to measure the circumference of your dick and balls first so you know what size to get.

[and now he needs a measuring tape HEY SEX IS TOO COMPLICATED????]

Hedgehog balls are internal, is that gonna be a problem?

[not me googling hedgehog anatomy lmao]

I wouldn't think so. You'll just have to get a smaller one that just goes around your penis.

A smaller one, got it...

[He pauses, like someone would when they're taking notes. Because he totally has been. WHAT A GOOD STUDENT.]

I assume there's like, a store I can get this at? That's gonna be a weird trip...

You'll want to go to a sex shop, yeah. If it would help at all, I could come with you? They can be kind of overwhelming the first time you walk into one, if you're by yourself.

It wouldn't be any trouble? I'd really appreciate it, this is way outside of my comfort zone, heh.

It'd be no problem! If you can't ask your weird horny friend to help you buy sex toys, who can you ask?

Fair enough! Just let me know when would be good for you, I'm free pretty much whenever so I'm flexible.

I get off work early on Friday, how about then?

Sounds perfect! Thanks, Eva, you're the best!

Happy to help. Do you want to come over to my place or meet at the shop?

I don't think I've seen your place yet, I'd be happy to meet you there.

Sure thing. [Address given!] I'll be seeing you soon.

Catch you later!

[and BOOM smash cut to Friday, Sonic's here and knocking on Evangeline's door super casual like and definitely not feeling awkward about going shopping for rubber wieners AT ALL.]

[Door opens! Here's Evangeline, actually super casual.]

Hi! Do you want to come in for a bit, or should we just get going?

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how did i mark this as replied to in my inbox, rip

OOPS

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to action?

SHIT YEA

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