abnormalizes | Seasons: IC Contact/Continuations

I know, I know, I just - fuck.

Thank you for the desserts.

[She doesn't want to directly go like 'please get out so I can freak out privately and save some face' but she also really wants to say that.]

[He nods.]

[Pauses.]

[Then he's by her and hugging her.]

You got this.

Also if you try to avoid me in an effort to hide from your feelings, remember that you cannot outrun me and I literally grew up under a rock so you cannot trap me in social conventions to escape.

[That is mostly offered up as a joke.]

[Mostly.]

[He pulls back.] You can keep the cakes. I'll take the cookies. [Since she wasn't for them as much.]

[But he'll grab the cookies and if there's a throw blanket, he'll toss the over her shoulders and cuts a fresh slice of cake for her to eat so hopefully that sugar helps and then the door will quietly close behind him.]

[The hug helps. She's always liked hugs; she's never been able to deny that to herself.

When he's gone, she lets herself sob fully, ugly messy tears streaming down her face. That helps a little, too.]

[After waking up, processing the horrors of once again being stuck in Evangeline's homeworld and workplace, crying until she's out of tears, and most likely being questioned and comforted by Jade, Frieda eventually calls Evangeline. She's outside in Solarpeak, a bit away from her and Jade's house - it's night, but as always it's still warm, and the sound of the waves lapping at the beach helps her stay calm. When Evangeline picks up, she's relieved.]

Evangeline, how are you? Do you have time?

[Evangeline answers quickly - she's not entirely surprised by the call, from what she remembers.]

I'm okay and I'm not busy. What's up? -Is it about the dream?

[She figures it must be.]

[She sounds so normal..! Then again, for her, it was just business as usual, wasn't it?]

Yes. Did you see everything again without being able to interact with me?

[That's make her feel both pained and ashamed - she really is so sheltered, even with all her inherited memories, that she completely bundgled the most straightforward survival path.]

Yeah. I'm sorry you went through all that.

[Of course Evangeline isn't thinking about it that way at all - she's thinking about the multiple horrible deaths Frieda experienced.]

I'm sorry you had to see that! I...

[She starts to feel choked up again, hardly able to speak through her upset and frustration.]

I should have been faster on the uptake. Running into the wasteland was so stupid... if not for your parents consoling me, I don't know what I'd have done next. They helped me keep it together.

...

The people... were they all real, or just amalgamations again?

It's okay. Everybody thinks about doing that sometimes.

[...What a question.]

Well, my parents were real, but you knew that. That restaurant and those cooks were real, it's the closest cannibal restaurant to my house and always the one I was most worried about. The victim... probably an amalgamation. The muggers an amalgamation. My manager was real and the guy who jumped into Blue Star was real.

[Hearing that first part does comfort her. Of course, they all would want to run away from it all at times. How could they not? Getting confirmation that the cannibal cooks were real, though, sends a shiver down her spine despite the warm air at the beach. No one should have to remember "the closest cannibal restaurant to my house"!!]

The way-- the way those cooks wouldn't even kill us before turning us into meat--

[There's so much upset in her voice, but also anger. How can anybody be so cruel?! But she's seen that kind of apathy for the suffering of others in her inherited memories. Humans have a terrifying capacity for emotionally detaching themselves from those around them. Still, she wishes those people were punished somehow.]

This is common knowledge, right? How can anyone patronise those restaurants?

[Already, she can think of several reasons. Perhaps, there's no other source of protein.]

I'm told that suffering enhances the taste.

[So that was very much on purpose. Evangeline doesn't feel angry, just exhausted.]

It's their selling point. It's gourmet food you wouldn't get anywhere else.

That's...

[She grits her teeth. She knows that being angry about it is utterly futile, but she can't help it - and that frustrates her on a whole other level. Where is her ancestor's will? Why isn't it granting her serenity? Is it because all of this played out in a whole other world, unrelated to their people? Or because she didn't have her titan powers in the dream? Or maybe, it's because this is exactly the kind of horrifying injustice King Karl didn't want to see him his paradise - but then, her subconscious uncomfortably asks, as if creeping up on her, how is she supposed to reconcile the murders of those who got too close to the truth, like Erwin's father?]

I'm sorry, I... I mainly called you to see if you were alright. I hardly know what to do with myself right now, I just... I'm so angry, but...

[But she's not supposed to be. Anger, after all, leads to hate and violence and suffering.]

I tried to kill those people. I...

[She trails off, getting choked up all over again.]

They tried to - they did kill you. You had every right to defend yourself.

[Evangeline, of course, doesn't understand the broader picture or why Frieda is feeling guilty for having an extremely understandable reaction.]

There's nothing wrong with being angry at the world's cruelty. Anyone who's not used to it would feel that way.

I can't stand that it has to be this way. That nobody will consider treating each other better...

[Once again, she trails off. There's simply no incentive for change in the City. Why go through all kinds of effort and risks to make money when you just murder someone and sell their meat or body parts? Her anger partly gives way to sadness and resignation.]

I sound so childish. "If only everyone were nice to each other"! I know what the world is like, and yet... I suppose I've been too fortunate to ever feel it first-hand until now.

[She thinks of Levi and Mikasa, whose bloodline was persecuted by hers, and their resentment towards her - not necessarily on a personal level, but certainly on a systemic one. She thinks of her people's history, of everything they're done that can't be atoned for. Aren't they all just caught up in the wheels of time and human nature?]

I'm sorry for venting on you.

Most worlds are better than mine, for what it's worth.

[...She can't say Frieda's is one of them, from what she's heard. She doesn't have the lived experience to compare. But she can say that most worlds are better than theirs.]

It's okay. Who else would you have talked to about it?

[In the worst corners of the Walls, one might get one's throat slit, but it'd be a murder-robbery rather than the prelude to a butchery, and there haven't been any cases of cannibalism. Historically, though, Frieda has seen just about any horror imaginable on the continent (though the meat grinder death was still a novelty).]

Do you have any idea why I ended up in your dream?

[Will this happen again?]

Oh! Yeah! Something to do with the clouds of glitter that have been everywhere lately? I ended up in a couple other people's dreams too, it's been a hassle.

[So yeah, probably.]

That glitter?! I thought that was just... something to do with the fairies, maybe.

[Perhaps, she should have checked the announcements more thoroughly! Alas. She exhales.]

I... I hope you'll get to visit some happier dreams.

[Hopefully, not any of the local Eldians'.]

Some of them were nice! I got to be in Rinku's dream for a while, it was pretty positive.

[There were still some dark parts, but overall she enjoyed the experience.]

I hope you get to be in happy ones, too.

[She smiles, just a little bit. Rinku's dreams are probably much nicer than either of theirs! (She'll find out soon whether that is true or not.)

She expected to speak with Evangeline for an hour or several, to comfort her and be comforted in turn, to help each other process what they experienced... but in the end, it's really straightforward, isn't it? The City is a horrible place where hope and kindness get all but snuffed out, and she had to adapt to survive, just like Evangeline had to, only that the latter had the "advantage" of having been born into that hostile environment.]

...

Can I see you sometime soon? I'd like to do something nice with you - go looking for treasures in the second-hand shops in Stormreach, or visit one of the museums, or whatever else you want.

[She want to see her next to her, alive and happy and free to move about without fear of getting violently murdered.]

Oh - yeah, of course. I'd like that too. We can go to a museum and maybe grab lunch?

[Something nice, something happy and relaxing.]

That sounds great! I look forward to seeing you.

[She'll still need to spend a lot of time processing and reflecting on everything that happened in the dream and juxtapose it with her morals and values - innate and inherited -, but that's nothing Evangeline can help her with. She'll help her the most by just being by her side as her friend.]

Me too.

[One last thing before she hangs up-]

I'm glad you're okay. Or, I don't know if okay is the word, but safe? Something like that.

I am okay. Thank you for being there for me, Evangeline.

[Her voice is warm and sincere. Despite everything, she's safe and sound and clear-minded enough to be able to tell dream and reality apart (much as what was a dream for her is reality for the people in Evangeline's world)... and she's not alone. That, really, makes all the difference.]

Evangeline? It’s Amy! You busy? I was thinking of coming over!

Seasons: IC Contact/Continuations

Re: Some days after dreamwalking

Re: Some days after dreamwalking

Re: Some days after dreamwalking

Post-Dreamshare

Re: Post-Dreamshare

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wrapup?

🎀

un: rosehammer