abnormalizes | Seasons: IC Contact/Continuations

[ Hi girlie. Have a voice memo sent at some absurdly late hour because the idea of just calling her and having this conversation somehow felt worse than hitting record and letting whatever wants to come off her chest come loose.

She takes a deep breath, then: ] I'm not mad that you killed me. I'm mad about how I died. How I felt. I have never felt that shitty in this life.

... What did you want me to say, anyway? That I'm not okay? That it was one of the worst deaths I'd ever experienced? [ which is hahahahah saying something, considering the Capital T Trauma(tm) the third life caused her! ] If it were anyone else, I'd be furious with them, but you- you-! Rrrrgh! [ A strangled noise in frustration. ]

I'm not even mad at you! At all! I've held lifelong grudges for less, killed for less, but I- [ Her voice cracks, as though on the verge of tears. ] I'm just...

[ A long pause, as all the words she feels deep down - powerless. pitiful. a mere plaything forced to start over again and again and again because apparently her lives are so pathetic that she deserved a second, third, fourth, fifth, so on and so forth chance - remain stuck in her throat.

She eventually settles on: ] ... tired. Just. Tired, Evangeline.

[ And after another long pause, filled only with the sound of her heavy breathing, the recording ends. ]

[Evangeline wakes up, showers and has breakfast, and then checks her phone.

Oh. Her heart clenches painfully in her chest.]

Jyoti. -You deserve so much better than this.

... I do.

[ But the words are hollow, because what would better even look like? She can't even care about someone without wanting to tear herself to pieces on the inside.

It's agony. Like her heart's at war with every other cell in her body because she wants to love Evangeline. The one who remembered her, missed her, did the seemingly impossible and made her consider believing in hope again, despite nothing else changing in her life and circumstances.

A part of her wishes she could be reincarnated in the next cycle, instead of continuing this life. Leave this heart behind entirely. But she can't. Evangeline would miss her. ]

Delete the other memo. ... please.

Okay.

[Of course Jyoti doesn't want a record of her having feelings out there, that's too vulnerable. It's incredible that she expressed them at all, and Evangelie doesn't take that honor lightly. Into the trash it goes.]

Done. I'll do anything you ask if it would help.

[ Honestly? She doesn't know if it'll help. It's just as likely to make things worse.

But. ]

... Come over?

On my way.

[She has fast travel now, so within five minutes of making herself presentable, she's knocking on Jyoti's door.]

[ Similar to the first time Evangeline stopped by, there's very little time between Jyoti opening the door and Jyoti pulling Evangeline into an embrace. But what differs this time is Jyoti herself, noticeably unpresentable with her pajamas, mussed hair, and lack of makeup.

She doesn't say anything yet - just holds her, and tries not to tremble. ]

[Evangeline holds Jyoti tightly. If she could squeeze out all her pain and fear, she would in a heartbeat.]

Jyoti…

[She’s sorry, but saying it won’t help.]

[ If only Evangeline could. The truly terrifying part is that she'd let her. ]

... Evangeline.

[ She's taller than her, but right now, she feels so small. ]

I. [ What does she even say? What does she even want to say? ] I can't lose you again.

If I could attach myself to you forever, I would.

[If only it was as simple as not letting go.]

... I know.

[ But it really isn't that simple, is it? If sheer force of will were enough to alter the trajectory of her fucked up life, she wouldn't be feeling this way. Neither of them would've let things go on this long.

She hides her face as best she can from Evangeline. ]

Take me to bed.

[ As always, she'd rather run from her feelings than face them. ]

Okay.

[Feelings are hard. Sex is easy. Evangeline reaches for Jyoti's hand to give it a squeeze as she heads for Jyoti's bedroom.]

[ Sex should be easy. It's where she gets the closest to shutting off her brain entirely and focusing purely on the physical, instead of everything she's got going on in her head and heart. And with how having sex with Evangeline in particular is as thoughtless as breathing? Yeah. Surely this will help.

Rather than pushing Evangeline down, she's pulling her on top of her and into a heated kiss as her back hits the mattress. ]

[It’s unusual for her to be on top of Jyoti, but whatever Jyoti wants right now, Evangeline is ready to provide. She kisses her deeply, tangling her hands in Jyoti’s beautiful hair.]

[ A change of pace isn't bad! Especially when it's to try and avoid putting feelings into words!!

Her hands tangle in Evangeline's hair in turn, only parting once she absolutely has to take a breath. It's then she pulls off her nightgown, and starts to work off however much Evangeline's wearing. ]

[Evangeline helps her strip off the casual clothing she'd been wearing, then goes in to suck a hickey onto Jyoti's neck. Maybe it'll help to have the reminder that she was here, later. It probably couldn't hurt.]

[ Definitively not!! Jyoti lets her, tilting her head with a small hum to give Evangeline easier access to that soft, perfect skin. ]

[She's so lovely. Evangeline diligently covers her skin with marks, unhooking her bra so that she can kiss down her chest.]

-Gorgeous as ever.

[ She makes a noise, somewhere between a sigh and a laugh, as she tosses her bra off the bed. ]

How gorgeous is that?

So gorgeous. Stunning. My eyes are blessed to look upon you.

[Gentler kisses to her chest, now.]

They are.

[ She gently combs her fingers through Evangeline's hair, tucking a few loose strands behind her ear. ]

You're lucky to be here with me.

[ (she says, while feeling the opposite.) ]

I absolutely am. I'm thankful you've bestowed upon me your presence.

[She lightly tugs on a nipple with her teeth.]

[ If it were anyone else, she'd call that flattery. The fact that she knows it's not flattery, coming from Evangeline, makes her heart ache painfully. ]

Evangeline. [ "... me too."

She swallows, fingers stilling in her hair. ] Give me more.

Anything for you.

[She moves downward, leaving love bites all over Jyoti's inner thighs, tantalizingly close to where Jyoti wants her most - but not yet.]

Seasons: IC Contact/Continuations

voice memo | un: lady.light

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