Evangeline (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
abnormalizes) wrote2023-03-05 08:19 pm
abnormalizes) wrote2023-03-05 08:19 pm
Seasons: IC Contact/Continuations
This is Evangeline! Sorry, I'm a little busy right now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!
[Okay, warm drink, check.]
[Sweets, check.]
[An actual list for surprising Shadow later, check.]
It did look really good! [He takes a bite himself.]
[Okay, probably the best he's gonna get to ask.]
So, do you really think you shouldn't love people?
[Sweets, check.]
[An actual list for surprising Shadow later, check.]
It did look really good! [He takes a bite himself.]
[Okay, probably the best he's gonna get to ask.]
So, do you really think you shouldn't love people?
[Evangeline chokes on her cake and spends a full minute coughing and hacking. Please hold.]
[Oh right.]
[Make sure to time the question for when she HASN'T just taken a bite.]
[He always forgets something.]
[He's over beside her, smacking her back lightly to help her get it down. Or up? One of those.]
[Make sure to time the question for when she HASN'T just taken a bite.]
[He always forgets something.]
[He's over beside her, smacking her back lightly to help her get it down. Or up? One of those.]
[It takes a bit, but eventually Evangeline manages to put herself back together.]
I'm okay, I'm okay. Just. Maybe a little warning next time?
I'm okay, I'm okay. Just. Maybe a little warning next time?
I'm pretty sure there is no warning for that?
"I want to ask you an extremely personal question targeted directly at your vulnerabilities, please finish chewing first."
Oooooh.
Actually, yeah, that would work, I should keep the in mind.
Actually, yeah, that would work, I should keep the in mind.
Thanks. I appreciate it.
Anyway. To answer your question - shouldn't isn't the right word. Loving people just scares the shit out of me. People can die or disappear at any time, and losing them is painful. I'm not strong enough to deal with that pain, so it's safer just to not.
Anyway. To answer your question - shouldn't isn't the right word. Loving people just scares the shit out of me. People can die or disappear at any time, and losing them is painful. I'm not strong enough to deal with that pain, so it's safer just to not.
[He hums and he's suddenly got glasses and a notepad with a pen.]
[Therapist mode has been ACTIVATED.]
[At least he isn't doing the voice yet.]
It is scary to love people when you know you can lose them.
But do you really think its possible to stop yourself from loving people?
[Therapist mode has been ACTIVATED.]
[At least he isn't doing the voice yet.]
It is scary to love people when you know you can lose them.
But do you really think its possible to stop yourself from loving people?
Yeah, of course it is.
[???? What a weird question??]
[???? What a weird question??]
[He raises an eyeridge.]
So how quickly would you try to murder Robotnik if he tried to kill me?
So how quickly would you try to murder Robotnik if he tried to kill me?
Basically instantly, but we're friends? That's a normal friend thing to do.
That is not, in fact, a normal friend thing to do.
That is intense friendship levels.
That is like found family level of friendship levels.
And what is a necessary component of found family?
That is intense friendship levels.
That is like found family level of friendship levels.
And what is a necessary component of found family?
That's - you're exaggerating. I like my friends a normal amount, I just get protective, that doesn't mean...
[She's turning pale as she speaks.]
[She's turning pale as she speaks.]
Eva.
You absolutely love your friends.
Speaking as someone who has had the moments of 'this person has hurt my friend and I have a choice to kill them' and 'this person has hurt my family and I have a choice to kill them,' I can tell you the struggle with that choice was a lot harder with the latter than the former.
You absolutely love your friends.
Speaking as someone who has had the moments of 'this person has hurt my friend and I have a choice to kill them' and 'this person has hurt my family and I have a choice to kill them,' I can tell you the struggle with that choice was a lot harder with the latter than the former.
I... But that's...
[Oh. She's tearing up, and she furiously scrubs at her face.]
I don't want to-!
[Oh. She's tearing up, and she furiously scrubs at her face.]
I don't want to-!
....
Were you in my dream, Eva?
[The dreams were messy and distorted.]
[But he knows the kind of dreams he's been having lately and he remembers Eva.]
Were you in my dream, Eva?
[The dreams were messy and distorted.]
[But he knows the kind of dreams he's been having lately and he remembers Eva.]
[Sniffle.]
Yeah. I was.
Yeah. I was.
Good.
Then you know I'm not lying when I say I get it.
Its terrifying. Reaching to someone, letting them in, knowing how easily they can be taken away. Things can change in under a minute, from happy and fine, to never getting to see them ever again.
Then you know I'm not lying when I say I get it.
Its terrifying. Reaching to someone, letting them in, knowing how easily they can be taken away. Things can change in under a minute, from happy and fine, to never getting to see them ever again.
[She knows. She remembers the fear, the pain, how much simpler it would be to just stay alone forever.]
...I'm not that strong. If I loved someone and they were taken away again, I don't know if I could keep going.
...I'm not that strong. If I loved someone and they were taken away again, I don't know if I could keep going.
Except the reason why you're so afraid is because of how desperately you want to love.
[He drags the pen over the paper. More to move his hands than anything.]
People do not fear losing things unless those things matter. And when things matter, it hurts to not have them.
You can lie to yourself. You can pretend you can do without.
But the longer you go without, the more you have to break things to keep going.
You can put on a front. You can cover it up with things.
You can pretend sex is enough for intimacy. [He's seen enough sitcoms to know about that coping mechanism.]
You can talk without breathing so you never have to acknowledge the silence.
But the cracks will form, and sooner or later, something is going to shatter.
[He drags the pen over the paper. More to move his hands than anything.]
People do not fear losing things unless those things matter. And when things matter, it hurts to not have them.
You can lie to yourself. You can pretend you can do without.
But the longer you go without, the more you have to break things to keep going.
You can put on a front. You can cover it up with things.
You can pretend sex is enough for intimacy. [He's seen enough sitcoms to know about that coping mechanism.]
You can talk without breathing so you never have to acknowledge the silence.
But the cracks will form, and sooner or later, something is going to shatter.
Edited 2025-03-01 17:53 (UTC)
I...
[She knows he's right. That the only reason losing people would be so terrifying is because she wants those people in her life. She knows she's fooling herself, telling herself she doesn't care that much and it won't hurt that bad.]
I'm sorry. I need some time to think.
[She knows he's right. That the only reason losing people would be so terrifying is because she wants those people in her life. She knows she's fooling herself, telling herself she doesn't care that much and it won't hurt that bad.]
I'm sorry. I need some time to think.
[He nods.] Its a lot.
But....
Speaking as someone who gets it.
The loneliness...the loneliness does a lot more damage. It makes things a lot worse for a lot longer.
Because the grief you already have echoes in it.
When you let other people in, its a lot easier to remember what the past love feels like.
But....
Speaking as someone who gets it.
The loneliness...the loneliness does a lot more damage. It makes things a lot worse for a lot longer.
Because the grief you already have echoes in it.
When you let other people in, its a lot easier to remember what the past love feels like.
...I can't promise anything. But I'll at least think about it.
[Some things are too deeply ingrained in her to change just like that.]
[Some things are too deeply ingrained in her to change just like that.]
Don't be discouraged if it doesn't happen easy.
This kind of stuff takes time.
It takes a lot of time and patience and there will be people who will help you adjust if you trust them.
I know Rinku would be there with you every step of the way and so will I.
This kind of stuff takes time.
It takes a lot of time and patience and there will be people who will help you adjust if you trust them.
I know Rinku would be there with you every step of the way and so will I.
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