Evangeline (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
abnormalizes) wrote2023-03-05 08:19 pm
abnormalizes) wrote2023-03-05 08:19 pm
Seasons: IC Contact/Continuations
This is Evangeline! Sorry, I'm a little busy right now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!
Holy shit.
[A long pause. The faintest sounds of her papping her face and willing her blush to die down.]
......What was the other one?
[A long pause. The faintest sounds of her papping her face and willing her blush to die down.]
......What was the other one?
My shrine. The illusion of choice, Ol Siaion - they mean the same thing, just said differently.
With such an obvious thing to choose for a term of endearment, why would I risk letting you pick anything else?
You deserve no other than to be my altar.
With such an obvious thing to choose for a term of endearment, why would I risk letting you pick anything else?
You deserve no other than to be my altar.
You say it's obvious, but I don't really... I don't know much about worship to begin with?
[Tentatively.]
So I know it's an intense feeling, but I don't really... understand the shape of it? Especially applied to someone who is not a god.
[Tentatively.]
So I know it's an intense feeling, but I don't really... understand the shape of it? Especially applied to someone who is not a god.
...
Of the Abnormalities, which of them would you die to have sex with one last time?
Assume that no matter what, you will be dying - and you don't know if you even have an afterlife to go to.
Which would you beg, claw, and bleed to be with one more time?
Of the Abnormalities, which of them would you die to have sex with one last time?
Assume that no matter what, you will be dying - and you don't know if you even have an afterlife to go to.
Which would you beg, claw, and bleed to be with one more time?
I like living more than I like sex with any Abnormality? You keep scolding me about it, but I don't value my life that little.
- That isn't the point of the thought exercise. I'm attempting to pick something that is near and dear to you in an intense enough way to explain this for you.
Okay. Okay. ...Hmm.
[The fact that she still doesn't have an immediate answer is telling.]
Someone I've already slept with, so no 'if I'm going to die anyway I want to bang Nothing There once before I do'. Beauty and the Beast is the one I'm most emotionally attached to, but the sex was really just okay...
Fragment of the Universe?
[It comes out as a question. She's really not sure this feeling is nearly on the same intensity as what Louis means.]
[The fact that she still doesn't have an immediate answer is telling.]
Someone I've already slept with, so no 'if I'm going to die anyway I want to bang Nothing There once before I do'. Beauty and the Beast is the one I'm most emotionally attached to, but the sex was really just okay...
Fragment of the Universe?
[It comes out as a question. She's really not sure this feeling is nearly on the same intensity as what Louis means.]
... You sound uncertain.
Have you nothing so ingrained within your heart, you would do anything to hold them in your arms once more?
[A pause, though there's the subtle clack of him drumming his nails on his table filling the silence.]
... Perhaps I simply feel things too strongly...
Have you nothing so ingrained within your heart, you would do anything to hold them in your arms once more?
[A pause, though there's the subtle clack of him drumming his nails on his table filling the silence.]
... Perhaps I simply feel things too strongly...
Sleeping with the Abnormalities kept me sane in the City, helped me find some kind of enjoyment in my life - but at the end of the day, they couldn't care about me the same way the people here do.
I'd give up any chance of seeing them again in a heartbeat to kiss you one more time.
I'd give up any chance of seeing them again in a heartbeat to kiss you one more time.
...
[There's a short stretch of silence in response, then - broken only by a shaky breath and the sound of him having to put his phone down for a moment.
Just a moment.
But, eventually -]
Is there anyone here you feel that for, but more strongly?
Perhaps they would be a good example for what I want to explain to you.
[Because, yeah, he knows there has to be someone. He's just A Friend:tm: - she has several lovers, let alone her actual, full-on relationships.]
[There's a short stretch of silence in response, then - broken only by a shaky breath and the sound of him having to put his phone down for a moment.
Just a moment.
But, eventually -]
Is there anyone here you feel that for, but more strongly?
Perhaps they would be a good example for what I want to explain to you.
[Because, yeah, he knows there has to be someone. He's just A Friend:tm: - she has several lovers, let alone her actual, full-on relationships.]
Stronger than that? All of my partners, and my close friends, are about that level... it's hard for me to rank them.
[She's allowed to care intensely about her Friends, isn't she? Since she's someone who isn't good at distinguishing romantic love in the first place.]
[She's allowed to care intensely about her Friends, isn't she? Since she's someone who isn't good at distinguishing romantic love in the first place.]
You have no one above all others, then.
Perhaps I truly do feel things too strongly.
[That's followed by another pause, though he breaks it by letting out a little hum of thought.]
... Alright, then. I suppose I'll give you a more classical description -
Worship, if you must have a way to think of it, is the most intense form of devotion one could choose.
The easiest example I can think of, frankly, would be that of nuns. Nuns, when they join their sisterhood, give up everything in order to better serve and worship God and Christ -
Some even going so far as to be something of a "wife" for them, foregoing their own bloodlines entirely to remain pure.
Just for the sake of devotion to the ones they worship.
It is an intense form of love. One that the like of romance and friendship stands apart from entirely - almost as if they are wholly unrelated beasts.
If we were to dip within the color wheel of love, I'd liken it to manic agape; a selfless love, expecting nothing in return for said love, but one so large that it overwhelms you just to think of the one it's for.
A love in which you would kill to remain by their side - hence why sacrifice for the gods has remained a ritual practice even in the modern day.
Perhaps I truly do feel things too strongly.
[That's followed by another pause, though he breaks it by letting out a little hum of thought.]
... Alright, then. I suppose I'll give you a more classical description -
Worship, if you must have a way to think of it, is the most intense form of devotion one could choose.
The easiest example I can think of, frankly, would be that of nuns. Nuns, when they join their sisterhood, give up everything in order to better serve and worship God and Christ -
Some even going so far as to be something of a "wife" for them, foregoing their own bloodlines entirely to remain pure.
Just for the sake of devotion to the ones they worship.
It is an intense form of love. One that the like of romance and friendship stands apart from entirely - almost as if they are wholly unrelated beasts.
If we were to dip within the color wheel of love, I'd liken it to manic agape; a selfless love, expecting nothing in return for said love, but one so large that it overwhelms you just to think of the one it's for.
A love in which you would kill to remain by their side - hence why sacrifice for the gods has remained a ritual practice even in the modern day.
Okay, that makes sense.
-Wait, and you feel that way about me??
[Yes Evangeline that's what this whole conversation was about.]
-Wait, and you feel that way about me??
[Yes Evangeline that's what this whole conversation was about.]
Evangeline. Ol Siaion.
Do I need to remind you again of the horrors that I'd committed against you. And the one that, more recently, I'd committed for you.
And the fact that both came about because I care about you.
These are not the actions held by someone who feels things a normal amount.
[Another pause.]
For what it's worth... I do not know if "love" is the proper word I would use for what I feel.
Such a thing has never been easy for me to feel for others in the first place. Unlike Je-
Chipp. I am quite capable of recognizing my own emotions.
But feeling them is a struggle for me.
Hence why I decided to start with the word "devotion". I am, if nothing else, devoted to you.
Do I need to remind you again of the horrors that I'd committed against you. And the one that, more recently, I'd committed for you.
And the fact that both came about because I care about you.
These are not the actions held by someone who feels things a normal amount.
[Another pause.]
For what it's worth... I do not know if "love" is the proper word I would use for what I feel.
Such a thing has never been easy for me to feel for others in the first place. Unlike Je-
Chipp. I am quite capable of recognizing my own emotions.
But feeling them is a struggle for me.
Hence why I decided to start with the word "devotion". I am, if nothing else, devoted to you.
Oh.
Well. Whatever you want to call it... I'm honored and touched by your feelings. My heart's big.
[He probably knows where that expression comes from.]
But, um... I don't know how to say this, but I'm not above you? You're my beloved friend - we're equals.
Well. Whatever you want to call it... I'm honored and touched by your feelings. My heart's big.
[He probably knows where that expression comes from.]
But, um... I don't know how to say this, but I'm not above you? You're my beloved friend - we're equals.
... Your heart's--
- Oh.
[Yeah. No. He knows where she got that. You can practically hear the eye roll.
But he does his best to keep it out of his voice, at least.]
Well... whether you are "above" me or not doesn't matter. My devotion remains, regardless.
Need you be above me for me to be devoted?
- Oh.
[Yeah. No. He knows where she got that. You can practically hear the eye roll.
But he does his best to keep it out of his voice, at least.]
Well... whether you are "above" me or not doesn't matter. My devotion remains, regardless.
Need you be above me for me to be devoted?
It sounded like it, with the gods and worship thing? But if that isn't, then I'm glad.
And, you know. I care about you too. If anyone hurts you, I'll beat them straight to the flower yard.
And, you know. I care about you too. If anyone hurts you, I'll beat them straight to the flower yard.
[Huff.]
I never said you aren't above me. But I wanted to reassure you that my devotion is unrelated.
Because I know you would argue my feelings if I didn't, and I'd rather not have to go through that - we don't need to give me a reason to chicken out of having feelings of some kind in the first place.
It's a horrifying thing, you know. To have them - to feel them. To share them.
My hands are shaking.
[...
His poker face extends to his voice, apparently.]
I never said you aren't above me. But I wanted to reassure you that my devotion is unrelated.
Because I know you would argue my feelings if I didn't, and I'd rather not have to go through that - we don't need to give me a reason to chicken out of having feelings of some kind in the first place.
It's a horrifying thing, you know. To have them - to feel them. To share them.
My hands are shaking.
[...
His poker face extends to his voice, apparently.]
...I get scared sometimes too, of feeling strongly for people. I understand that much, I think.
But - I think it's worth it, to love and be loved in return. Or be devoted and be devoted to, if you want to call it that instead. -I'll tell you I love you every day of my life, if it'll help.
But - I think it's worth it, to love and be loved in return. Or be devoted and be devoted to, if you want to call it that instead. -I'll tell you I love you every day of my life, if it'll help.
...
I still fear that someday, you'll change your mind. You'll find some reason to decide otherwise -
And you'll harm me for it.
But I'll choose to believe you until that happens. And once it does... even then, I have no reason to take back my devotion.
Ol Siaion.
I still fear that someday, you'll change your mind. You'll find some reason to decide otherwise -
And you'll harm me for it.
But I'll choose to believe you until that happens. And once it does... even then, I have no reason to take back my devotion.
Ol Siaion.
[And then, clearing his throat -]
Don't repeat that around His Majesty, by the way. He speaks Enochian.
Don't repeat that around His Majesty, by the way. He speaks Enochian.
Oh, I was actually initially considering asking him what it meant instead of asking you. Good thing I didn't?
... I am so, so glad that I caved and explained. I truly did plan to leave it a mystery for you.
The last thing I need is for him to bring it up next time I'm in his office...
[especially since the next time he's in lucifer's office he might be blowing him, that'd kinda suck]
The last thing I need is for him to bring it up next time I'm in his office...
[
He's like a father to me. In this one and only instance, that is not a good thing.
So, yes, it would be incredibly embarrassing.
[...]
Well - I suppose "like a father" isn't exactly apt... but I'm not sure how else I would describe him.
What would you call someone whom cares for you and provides for you like a father might, but that which you wish to be absolutely destroyed by in bed?
So, yes, it would be incredibly embarrassing.
[...]
Well - I suppose "like a father" isn't exactly apt... but I'm not sure how else I would describe him.
What would you call someone whom cares for you and provides for you like a father might, but that which you wish to be absolutely destroyed by in bed?
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