abnormalizes | Seasons: IC Contact/Continuations

Trust is hard. For people like us, especially. -I want to trust people too, but I don't know how to shut off that part of my brain that's always preparing to be hurt.

[He looks at Evangeline.]

I know part of it is from your employer. Do you want to talk about it? You listened for me. I will listen for you.

...I grew up in the Backstreets. The poor parts of the City, where government presence is minimal and gangs battle for control of each area. Every day you had a chance of being killed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that was just how it was. You could never let your guard down even for a second.

When I started work at L Corp, I saw coworkers die every day, because it was cheaper for the company to replace them than to try to make things safer for its employees. I can't count how many times I've had to step over corpses while working. You don't get a chance to mourn, and you don't get to be at less than a hundred percent at your best or you risk being the next one to be killed.

I don't know how to convince myself that I'm safe, and I'm not going to be killed if I let my guard down just a little.

I'm sorry. [He isn't sure what else to say. Like with her before.]

Feeling safe would be hard for you. I understand how trust is also hard for you. For both of us.

I want to trust. I want to trust you. I don't have a single reason to believe you'd ever hurt me.

[She knows why it's so difficult, but why does it have to be so difficult?]

You can believe it in your mind but it is hard to know with complete certainty. Perhaps I could hurt you one day. Perhaps you could hurt me.

Or we can be hurt at the loss of one another.

Pain is a part of life. One we cannot avoid.

...If I lost you... It'd hurt badly.

But - I guess, here - it's okay to be hurt. Because you don't always have to be at your best to survive.

I think you're right. Here we can risk the pain. Risk the hurt. Because we can heal. This world will let us have that time.

Yeah. I'd never be able to trust like that at home.

If - if you do figure out that way of giving someone control. Could you let me know?

I will. I will tell you.

[Shadow nods.] And if you find it first, you can tell me.

I will. We can try it ourselves, see if it helps or not before you bring it up to Sonic.

Thank you. I just...I don't know what I'm doing and I hate this. I hate not knowing what I'm doing.

Me too! It sucks! Why can't these things just have simple instructions we could follow or something?

I wish there were. But emotions seem to have never been figured out. In all the years humans and other creatures have existed and studied one another.

It's irritating.

Why do people have to be so complicated.

[Sighs and smooshes her face into the top of his head. Fluffy. Comforting.]

I don't know. They just are.

[He sighs and leans back on the couch.]

You can put your face in my chest fur if that will help more.

Thank you, that sounds perfect.

[Face immediately smooshed in chest instead.]

[Shadow pets her head and just lets her smoosh her face in his chest.]

I have a feeling this will happen to me more in the future, between you and Sonic.

Sorry. It's really soft and warm and feels nice.

Don't be. I'm not angry or against it. It is just...new. Being so willing to let people this close.

Yeah, I can imagine you're not used to a lot of touch like this. But I'm glad it's not bad.

I wasn't. Before I got here. Before you. [He looks down at her.]

You helped me be able to do this. Thank you.

[!!!]

I'm happy I could help! You deserve it.

And you deserve someone you can trust completely. You deserve it.

Edited 2024-02-26 04:14 (UTC)

It makes me happy that you think so.

[Even if she thinks she's nothing special.]

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